For the Memories
by Ramblepedia
Summary: Blaine hadn't told Kurt about his past before, and not just because he couldn't remember most of it. But Kurt had a right to know. Kurt had given him everything he had. Now it was Blaine's turn to do the same.


**This takes place the hours after "The First Time" and it's a divergence from Canon that I made **just so I could work with amnesia. I have a much longer (much much longer) story that I'm working on that also deals with amnesia, but amnesia itself is an oft-used and almost always poorly executed trope. So I would appreciate any and all comments you have, it'll greatly help me form my other story.

I chose to rate this T for the fact that they're totally completely nakers throughout this fic.

* * *

**With his head curled up against Kurt's chest, Blaine was sure there was no possible way to be more content. Maybe it would get better with time, but there would never be another first time and theirs had been perfect even with all its imperfections. **

Blaine tilted his head up to take in his boyfriend's features in the bedroom light. They'd left it on. Who said sex had to happen in the dark? They'd wanted to take in everything. Including the sights. "What's on your mind?" Kurt whispered as he brought his fingers up to comb them through the dark loosening locks.

"Us. You." He leaned up and kissed Kurt. Kurt wrapped his arms around Blaine to hold him there. "I never want to forget this moment."

"Me either." Kurt's words came so easily. An expected response, of course. Blaine kissed him again.

"There's something I need to tell you."

"What's that?" Blaine propped himself up on his elbows so they could fully look at each other. Kurt's content smile turned into a concerned frown.

"It might...it might change the way you think of me, but I promise it doesn't change anything for me. I love you. And every day you're more and more special to me."

"Blaine you're worrying me." Kurt didn't want to say it out loud, but his mind was spinning with possible worst case scenarios. A couple of fatal diseases crossed his mind but he pushed those away. That was stupid. No, the only logical thing he could think of was that Blaine was about to tell him that he wasn't Blaine's first. Which wasn't bad at all aside from the lies that of course Blaine had to feed him to not come clean about this sooner. Which Kurt could live with so long as Blaine didn't do something stupid.

"It's not bad. At least not really, and it doesn't mean much for our future. It only really matters in the past, but it's a big part of me. It just feels kind of wrong to not tell you."

"So, what is it?" Blaine let his fingers brush over Kurt's skin for a moment. He watched the movements and let all of his senses take in the moment. Kurt brought his hands up to cup them around the back of Blaine's neck.

"I have retrograde amnesia."

"...What."

"Remember when I told you about Sadie Hawkins?" A light of realization sparked in Kurt's eyes. "What happened then, it took away a lot of my memories. I only have puzzle pieces of my childhood and what people have told me." Kurt started stroking his shoulders as he processed the information. "You're one of the few things in my life that I have in full. I can't even say I have full memories of Dalton. I just remember one day asking my parents if I could transfer schools and they told me I already had. I don't remember most things from about two months after the incident back until about...six. And I don't know about you but I don't really remember much about being six, let alone younger." Kurt pulled him down to give him a kiss. "Does it change how you think of me?"

"No. Er, well, it makes some things make sense I suppose. I thought you just never talked about your childhood because you lived in the present."

"I do remember some things. Like my favorite food, my favorite color, why I don't like poodles. But I couldn't tell you too many stories." Kurt pushed on Blaine's body until they had both rolled over. He settled himself comfortably on his boyfriend's chest and let his ear drop against his heart.

"This is the best music in the world," he whispered as an explanation.

"Why thank you."

"How did you get through it?"

"Well I don't remember a lot of my recovery, so that part I can't tell you about. As for the rest of it. Well, I didn't at first. Going to Dalton was literally the start of a new life for me. I spent the whole summer taking tests and just doing what people told me and watching musicals. But when I started Dalton, a couple of guys took me under their wing - they said I looked like a lost sheep. Then they found out I could sing and they put me on the fast track to join the Warblers and after that point I got to live the teenage dream of complete popularity. It didn't leave me much time to think about myself. I just lived. Some of the Warblers knew - my parents asked them to keep an eye on me after I joined. If you'd met me sooner I can't imagine what sort of train wreck I would have been. I was scared enough when you told me you were interested in dating me. I could barely handle myself, I didn't know who I was, having a real serious boyfriend who had actual needs for himself seemed like the scariest thing."

"Gap-boy didn't have needs for himself?"

"Well. He was all grown up and independent and when I talked to him at the Gap he was like the Warblers who helped me out the year before. He seemed so confident." Kurt started to sit up. Blaine grabbed his arms. "I didn't turn you down for lack of interest. Just for lack of confidence."

"You seemed confident enough giving me advice."

"That was different. Talking about bullies, that's one thing. I was barely a person before I met you. I was a caricature. Some debonair popular dark haired boy at a prestigious school."

"Are you really complaining about being perfect right now?"

"How about this. I looked perfect on the outside, but inside I didn't really have many thoughts or feelings of my own. I mean I had strong opinions about bullying and other big deal things in my life but I never really thought about myself and who I was or who I wanted to be. I was just the popular high school boy that liked to sing and I didn't have to think any harder. Then I met you and then I _saw you_ every single day and I got to know what real confidence was."

"Most people would say that I'm full of myself, but do go on."

"You mean so much to me. You have from the very beginning. I...I really started to find myself after I met you. I wasn't some idol, I wasn't some lost sheep, I wasn't a fragile victim. I was your best friend, someone who talked and hung out and did all sorts of normal things without ever being questioned about how I was doing. I finally felt like a real person with you."

"And singing a ballad to a dead bird is what triggered all of this?"

"Well. It's what helped me realize that all of the growth I'd been going through since meeting you was proof that there was just something about us. I guess saying 'you move me' means a lot more when that moving is even deeper than just a fluttering of butterflies. The Warblers gave me a safe place to exist. You. You descended into my life from on high and without even knowing it created the real Blaine Anderson." Kurt let out a sharp laugh.

"Actually if I remember right you were behind me at first."

"Well when I first saw you, you were behind me."

"How about this." Kurt leaned up and kissed him again. "We both fell into each other's lives at just the right time."

"It's destiny."

"I don't believe in destiny."

"Then what was it?"

"My impeccable sense of timing."

"Ah. Of course." Kurt leaned down for some very deep and passionate kissing. Blaine reciprocated for a few moments before turning his head away. "Would you still love me if I was someone else? Mentally. I have no way to be sure who I would have been, if I'd be like this or completely different. So what do you think?"

"That that is a very unfair question."

"Why?"

"If I say yes, then it implies I love you only for your very, very-" Kurt glanced down along their bodies. "_Very _hot body." He turned his eyes back up. "If I say no, well then that implies that I'm a bad boyfriend. But I think I would. Because I think you would still be an amazing person that I would feel honored to be laying on top of right now."

"What if I...didn't like music?"

"That's impossible."

"What if I didn't?" Kurt thought about it for a moment.

"Then we'd spend all our time watching reality TV together."

"What if I was a jock."

"That would actually probably be kind of hot. As long as you weren't a jock in the sense that I was sort of a jock for two weeks. You know, being on the football team, winning McKinley their first game in years. That gives a man some credibility around school but let's face it I was drowning in that uniform and it looked awful."

"It did not. I really wish I could have seen it."

"You saw the videos."

"Yeah, but that's different. I would have _loved_ to see that in person, then after the game we could have celebrated together and-" Blaine pulled Kurt's head down to give him a very dirty kiss.

"Mmm but we definitely wouldn't have been anywhere near this back then. I think at that point in my life school had convinced me all sex with girls always makes babies and all sex with boys always makes AIDS."

"And that's what condoms are for."

"And we'd still take it slow even if we'd met a year sooner." Blaine laughed and pecked Kurt's lips again.

"Ok, what about if I...was so far in the closet with no hope of ever coming out?"

"I'm a patient man."

"What if I was so in the closet you didn't know I was gay?" Kurt wrinkled his nose up at it.

"Well I already had bad enough experiences having a crush on Finn to know not to pine after someone who is straight, and if you were convincing enough that I thought you were straight, no matter how hot you are, I would keep my hands to myself. But then, if you were that buried in the closet then there would be no hope of us dating anyway so that wouldn't be entirely my fault now would it?"

"No, I suppose not. Ok, how about this. What if I was a sleazy kind of guy who liked to sleep with everyone and didn't care one bit about my partner?"

"...ok you win. If you were _that_ kind of person, no matter how gorgeous your smile is, there is no way I would date you. I'm too romantic for that."

"I like who I am now."

"I like you too. Granted I really don't like how you got here, but...The past won't ever chance. There won't ever be any other Blaine Warbler Anderson. There will only be you. And the memories you make from now on."

"Right."

"Especially the memories we make together."

"Of course." Blaine scrunched his brows together. He could tell from Kurt's devious little smirk that he was up to something. He just couldn't figure out what it was.

"Especially."

"Especially?"

******"****The memories we make right now." Kurt dove in to kiss him again. He used his whole body to ignite the fires between the two of them once more. Now that he knew, nothing was different. Blaine was still Blaine. But it did open doors for him to have an excuse to spend more time doing things just like this with his boyfriend. For the memories. Among other things.**


End file.
